It's already two weeks?

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُه,


Dah masuk dua minggu. No sign of menstrual. Nak kata sign pregnant pun saya tak sure ape petanda specificnya sebab lain orang, lain petandanya. Tapi saya agak curious juga. Mungkin delay because of pregnancy. Mungkin juga sebab hormone. Sebelum kahwin, period cycle tetap. Lepas kahwin menjadi2x delay dia. Orang cakap it's normal sebenarnya. And I just take it as "normal" lah kut. After awhile, bila husband sendiri mula berkira2x tarikh period saya, saya rasa tak sampai hati pula. Seronok dia bila tau delay. Hari-hari dia mengira, hari-hari dia berdebar. Masuk hari kesepuluh dia mintak nak cek UPT. Tapi saya kata tunggu dululah sampai 2 minggu. Sebenarnya takut dia kecewa. Saya ada bertanyakan kepada kawan-kawan secret group saya. Ini response mereka:-

First response siap cakap 20 days delay? Lewat sampai 2 bulan!!!??? Gila lah. Hancur terus harapan. Takkan hormon tak menentu sampai delay 2 bulan? setahun? Memang kena gi check ni. Kalau delay sampai berbulan2x.. macam mana nak check time subur?

Lagi satu group kata delay 57 days. Delay 10 days.. banyaknya. semuanya delay! Tapi saya takut yang jenis delay lama2x ni memang sebab sebelum ni pun period tak menentu macam yang saudari Rina Hamid bagitau, delay sebulan tapi memang sebelum ni period tak menentu. So my inner positively said that mungkin sebab diorang ni jenis period tak tetap jugak kut? Takkan la seseorang yang period tetap before kahwin boleh delay sampai berbulan2x kan? Kawan saya yang lain yang period tetap or kdg2 fluctuate 1 or 2 days every mnth pn delay tak sampai bulan2x. Ntah la. Sebenarnya nak sedapkan hati sendiri. Saya dah cuba untuk relax, tak fikir. Sebenarnya tak fikir pun pada mulanya. Sampai suami saya tegur, sampai la saya sendiri bimbang nape la tak period2x lagi ni. Boleh camtu?

Tapi takpelah. Just wanna share with you my feeling right now. Bimbang pun ada. Sebenarnya saya dah tak pkir sangat pun samada ada atau tak sebab taknak mengharap sangat tapi hubby cakap kena jaga semua. Makan, jalan, tak boleh buat kerja berat2x. Sebab banyak je baca pengalaman orang, taktau pregnant, at last miscarriage. Nauzubillah. Tu yang husband takut sangat2x. Takpe. Kali ini, saya fikir dah masuk 2 minggu so saya rancang untuk check UPT la. Kalau ada rezeki, alhamdulillah. Kalau takde rezeki, ingat nak mintak advise dari doctor. Mungkin ada cara untuk kawal hormone ke ape ke kan. Kalau hormone tak tetap, susah la nak budget waktu subur kan.

Whatever it is, kena selalu bear in mind that Allah knows what best for us. Allah lebih tahu bila waktu sesuai, adakah kita sudah bersedia untuk pikul tanggungjawab yang besar and etc. Kalau pada pemikiran kita, pemerhatian kita, tengok ramai orang yang susah2x Allah bagi rezeki pada mereka, tapi yang senang, yang banyak duit, sampai sekarang tiada rezeki, kita akan fikir, "eh, orang tu lagi mampu", "kesian dia, susah, anak ramai". Tapi kena selalu ingat, sebenarnya Pencipta kita sahaja yang tahu what best for us. Wallahualam.

Hati tersentuh bila terbaca tumblr itu. ='(

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُه,

Awal Muharram which also called Maal Hijrah, the first month in Islamic calendar year. It's 1434 H and I feel blessed that I'm still alive. Alhamdulillah.

Boredom! Sebab husband kerja so, I have to find a way to entertain myself. I decided to surf the internet. Stalk here and there until I decided to stalk my sister's tumblr. It's been years I didn't even update my tumblr nor reading others tumblr. I read every single line of it.

Sampai saya terjumpa nukilan adik saya yang buat saya rasa sangat tersentuh,

Happy Birthday Ali! I know you were UP there looking down at me. Hope you’re doing fine. Kinda miss talking to you actually. But it’s okay, I’ll try to be strong, InsyaAllah. :) Sorry for the late wish. I am not feeling well. So long for now :’)

Let me cut the story short. Mungkin bila anda baca, bagi anda rasa biasa je kot? Because you do not know who Ali was. Ali was and always be a great man.

Arwah Ali, dia telah mewarnai hidup adik saya, Iqqa. Iqqa ni seorang yang sangat susah untuk jatuh cinta. Sepanjang hidup, 22 tahun, up until now, she doesnt belong to anyone. She admitted that she had a crush on one guy from primary school up until this point. And then, one day, Ali came into her life. Saya sedar bila facebook adik saya start ada post dari seorang lelaki which before tak pernah ada seorang lelaki pun pernah post di facebook dia. Yes. I do follow her journey. Cause I love her so much

Tapi cara pendekatan Ali pada adik saya cukup membuatkan saya rasa dia seorang jejaka yang baik. And I'd once asked my sister, who's Ali. He seemed weird. And she said, Ali, is just a friend. A close friend of mine. So saya tak banyak tanya la sebab saya tahu dan kenal adik saya. She won't ever change her feeling toward that guy that she had crushed on.

Until Ali confessed his feeling towards her and she feel that she had to tell Ali that she has no heart feeling terhadap Ali. Ali knows that she likes that guy so one day Ali suggested my sister untuk jadi orang tengah between my sister and that guy. And that thing had made my sister get mad at him. Cut it short, one day, adik Ali called my sister told her that Ali had an accident.

And he had passed away. Without any single word, he left us. Inna Lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un...

And that moment, my sister had lost a guy..  a great guy named Ali, who cares about her so much. Now I wonder why facebook adik saya dah tak se aktif dulu. And it makes me feel touched when she used to express her feeling through tumblr which seldomly been read by others.

Rindu sama arwah Abah dan Muhamad Ali. Semoga tenang di sana. Tenanglah wahai hati kecil, Tuhan sentiasa bersamamu. :’)

and the poem that she used to write to her bestfriend, Ali

"It has been a month
I remember all the things you used to say
Things you used to write for me, like every day
I remember all the times we shared
And I knew you were the only person who cared.
Now, it’s my turn to write for you
So many things we never got to do
So many conversations we never got through
I feel lost and empty now
I could feel nothing when you died.
But why? You never reply to me
I know it’s not just me you left
And the pain I feel I just can’t confess
Your family, your loved ones, all hurt too
We know what it’s like to bury you.
Goodbye friend, semoga tenang di sana. :’) "

Semoga arwah Ali tenang di samping Allah swt. Because he is lovely, he cares about my sister so much, dia telah menceriakan hari-hari adik saya, dia menjadi peneman setia bila adik saya sunyi, dia kawan, dia sahabat, and he such a great guy. Dan semoga adik saya akan dikurniakan pasangan yang terbaik dalam hidupnya, jodoh yang terbaik dari Allah. Amin..

Percubaan UPT I - Bukan rezeki kami

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُه,

Tergerak hati nak check sebenarnya. Mungkin ada setengah mengatakan, "alaa, poyo la dia ni, baru sebulan lebih kahwin nak terus check". Entah la. Saje geli2x nak check. Plus sekarang pon period delay 2 hari ditambah dengan symptom2x seperti : Angin, Sengugut bukan pada waktunya (about a week), nafsu makan kuat dan badan cepat penat  Dengan macam2x la symptom2x yang pelik2x, so saya dengan suami saya pakat pergi cari pregnancy test. Semalam keluar after masak pun dah pukul berapa. Farmasi dah tutup dah pun. Our last choice is Guardian.

Perasaan first time nak beli tu rasa macam, malu pun ada. Yelah, tak pernah beli. Of course la. Tambah pulak feeling baru2x kahwin tu still ada. Feeling macam single pun still ada. Nasib baik inai ada lagi kt jari, so orang tak fikir bukan2x. Betapa dalam pemikiran saya. Adoi!

Suami saya orang yang paling berdebar. He said that why don't we just wait a bit longer. Maybe a week. If still delay then we check. Tapi biasa la, saya degil. Pujuk la suami saya gi beli. Sebenarnya dia berdebar. LOL. Ini la packaging UPT yang saya dah beli semalam. Harga tak silap RM15.90 tak salah saya:

 

Front 

Back

Kat belakang kotak dia dah nyatakan dah if double line appears, indicates pregnant. If only single red line appear, maksudnya tak pregnant. 

This morning, the first thing that came across is to test my urine. First time ok! At first, perasaan berdebar nak tengok result UPT ni  macam nak ambil result SPM. Serious! Tak bohong. Maybe to whoever yang nakkan hasil, mungkin akan rasa macam mana saya rasa kut.

At last, hampa. Only single red line appeared. Macam ni. T____________________________T

 Tak apalah, mungkin awal lagi kut untuk check. Or mungkin belum rezeki kami. Or maybe betul apa doctor penah cakap pasal perubahan hormon bila bakteria baru masuk. Ok. Doctor ni sangat kelakar. Whatever it is, pray for us ok? Love ya.

Regretted.

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُه,

Tak tahu nak mula cerita macam mana. Mungkin salah saya. Sebab saya tak beringat. It's all happened last month when I have decided to search for white karpet for my solemnization. Saya deal dengan vendor pelamin saya which is D' Shayana Bridal. Alhamdulillah everything went well. Cuma pelamin nikah simple sikit bak kata mak saya so I have to mix and match here and there.

I am searching for white carpet yang fluffy.. Just untuk letak dekat pelamin. Seorang sahabat saya offer diri untuk bagi saya pinjam but I said, saya taknak pinjam, saya nak sewa. But she refuse and she's eager bagi saya pinjam. I really thankful for her kindness. Dan kemudian sahabat saya bagi saya pinjam bantal ottomen bulat besar. And I refused. Lagipun saya takde intention nak guna bantal ottomen sebab dah tahu vendor saya provide cuma karpet je sort of kecil sedikit. But she said, takpe, pinjam la. and I said, kalau nak bagi, boleh tapi saya nak sewa. Kalau tak, taknak ambil, but disebabkan kebaikan dia juga dia paksa saya pinjam. Saya ada nyatakan ketakutan saya if anything happen, kotor ke ape ke and she said, takpe.. Pinjam je. Tapi I kept into my mind that these things have to be well kept. I am amazed with her kindness. Thank you for that.

Selang beberapa hari majlis, just after few days, she had pm-ed me to send back her things. And I said.. Saya nak basuh dulu kut2x ada kotoran pada karpet. And she said takpe, takpayah basuh.. ok je..

And last night, I got message that turned me upside down. When she asked me, why the ottomen is dirty. and I said that bantal ottomen tu saya tak guna pun untuk majlis. Like, seriously tak guna. Saya guna bantal bulat yang vendor pelamin saya bagi sahaja kebetulan dia bg dua untuk lelaki dan perempuan. Bantal ottomen vendor pelamin saya pun hanya 1 digunakan. I have explained to her bout that and I hope that she'll understand.

And I got next message she asked me why the carpet is so dirty. And I was like. Struggling myself to think of what had I done that makes it dirty. Saya tanya husband saya, is that carpet is dirty. And he said that dah check, takde kotor, mungkin ada sikit2x, dah bentang atas lantai, mungkin ada sikit2x kotor. but not that so dirty. So I was like.. I want to at least basuh the things that I borrowed before giving back to the owner. Either saya pakai ataupun tidak. Tapi tak sempat rehat, tak sempat basuh lagi owner dah minta, and I said that I want to wash it first, she refused. Tapi swear to God, that "so dirty" get me even confused. Because whoever knows me, they understand me well on how I kept things clean.

I admit that my mistakes sebab tak jaga barang orang dengan betul. I have tried my best. Saya tak guna. Saya tak kotorkan. Yang kotor sikit2x tu saya nak basuh but she refused. And put a blame on me. and I am truly sorry if that was the case. Lesson learned. Love ya.

Sharing is totally CARING!

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُه,


Ape perasaan korang bila makanan boyfriend/ tunang korang di share dengan perempuan lain dihadapan anda sendiri?

Bagi saya, jangan sampai saya tegur. Faham-faham sendiri la kan sebab makanan pon saya jarang share dengan kawan saya yang saya x berapa rapat, inikan saya nak share dengan lelaki. hehe. kelakar macam mana perempuan lain suka hati je ambil makanan boyfriend/ tunang someone else secara sengaja takde rasa ape2x. Mungkin bagi some sort of "open-minded" person, they think that... this is cool dude!

Sorry la. sebab saya "close-minded" person. Tak kisah la orang nak cakap saya kolot ke apa, agama saya tak ajar saya untuk "open-minded" sangat. Tapi saya akui saya bukanlah seorang yang pro agama sangat. Tapi perlulah membezakan yang hak dan yang bukan hak bagi sekalian ummat manusia. Ok. saya bebel. Saya tau. akan ada orang tak suka. Chow! :D

My story updates

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُه,

Pheewww!
It has been a month since my last post I guess. Quite busy with my daily life. Lotsa things happened these few days.. Just after the "rombongan cik kiah" came to my house to send the "dowry". Can I replace hantaran as a dowry.. or the dowry means mas kahwin? hehehe. Ok. Just forget about it.

It's all happen teeettttttttttttt... hehehe. Lets just keep it as a secret. I don't know why. People "love" to "take care" of me. I mean. All the facebook status.. twitter updates.. When it comes to an expression of my thought.. expression of my feelings.. People get misunderstood. I like to write a double meaning status and it is sometimes happen 2 situations at a time..come on lah! You can't say that it's straight to your nose. Bak kata pepatah melayu.. Siapa makan cili dialah yang akn rasa pedas. So, I have decided to delete my account. No private life story to be told to public. The more you tell your whole story, the more people detect and take advantages on your weaknessess. Be careful because the social network doesnt contribute to a "good" ways. Serious shit!

My left eye keep blinking several times in this May. My fiancee keep on denying the fact that something bad will happen. I dont know how to explain the fact that I have strong .. what we call that.. intuition.. Its not to believe but yes, its proven! I told my fiancee that my left eye blinked on the day his family came to my house. and he told me not to think ridiculously and that is all my nonsense feeling je. and I said, just be careful cause my left eye will blinked twice and it will happen because bad things occured. I dont want to say a thing but it has proven by the death of my late father. and lots more. I can't recall back all things.. Yes. Something bad happen the day after.

And my left eye blinked again last friday. When we decided to sell our DSLR. ok. We've been issued a cheque from an old account that has been closed long time ago. Gila kan? Dugaan. And now.. yes. My fiancee has to admit that I have a strong intuition on bad things.. and being honest, it's horrible when the eye started to blink. Seriously.

Friend, and family.. and my beloved family abah.. family ibu.. do pray for us. I love you!

Sincerely, Me

Salam,

Actually not in the mood of creating new entry. Banyak sangat cerita happened and I can say that most of the stories are sad story. I know that I have silent reader. Mulanya saya rasa macam ok la kan. Tapi taktau pulak my silent readers are the one who I avoid the most to know everything about me. Yes, that's what blog means. To tell your whole story to the whole people. Who cares? Ikut suka saya lah nak tulis apa. Mulanya juga saya sempat privatekan blog saya atas nasihat adik saya, tapi saya fikir, what for? Worthless just for the sake of avoiding them to know about me. "Them"? Lets just keep it as a secret lah.

Seriously I'm overwhelmed. Saya sangat penat menjaga hati orang. No more after this. Jaga hati sesiapa yang jaga hati saya sahaja. Thats it. If sakit hati baca, don't read. Don't even enter this blog. Thank you.

Last night. scary.

Something went wrong last night. I've decided to visit my bf last night. Since housemate pun semua balik lewat malam. Boring sorang-sorang so saya decide untuk lepak kedai boyfriend saya. And the issue was.. He once message me when I'm on my way to Pandan. He said that he wants to tell me something.. "kurang menyenangkan.."

And I wonder.. what is it. Semalam ada spy datang kedai untuk interview dia. Tanya everything.. "Ada orang suruh saya datang tny serba sedikit pasal awk", kata orang tu pada wan. What makes me regret, kenapa my uncle tak datang tanya sendiri. Bukan kah tak proper hantar orang untuk soal selidik. I know that everyone's being protective. over protective. I'm not mad pun. Sebaliknya rasa terharu. but then, apa perasaan wan pula?

Kesian dia sbb dia pikir sampai hati buat cmtu.. They should confront and asked him 2 by 2. Isnt he that bad sampai tak nak jumpa. I know that I dont have father. and they being really protective. and thank you for that. But they should think and feel how it feels to be treated like that. No comment lah.

Guilty.

ok. 2 posts in a day. Tamak. :)

Being honest, just want to share something about my previous post "Message yang menyayat hati". If someone's followed my blog, they surely know who she is. Saya tanya kawan baik saya and my bf, am I being harsh on that post? and they said " biasa je..tak harsh pun. biar lah dia tau."

But deep inside me, I felt terible. Ntah lah. Saya jenis cepat marah and cepat sejuk actually. I'm not planning to reveal pun sebenarnya. To whom that may concern, I am truly sorry if I had made you hurt because of that statement. Because of "perli dari saya" yang mungkin buat awak terasa, I'm sorry.

"They said that there's no such thing as rasa bersalah ke apa ke because its not your fault", they said. Tapi honestly, salah saya ke salah sape ke, it's not my concern. My concern now is that I felt guilty for making other people mad at me. Sebab saya tak suka kalau orang tak suka saya. Seriously. I'm eager to make people feel comfortable with me.. and because of this I felt guilty.

It's okay if you've hurt me. Sekejap je. skng dah tak terasa hurt lagi. Awak pun da remove saya from facebook. If it's good for you, i'm okay with it. Once again, hope you're always happy with ur new life as someone's wife. I will always pray for u.

bengang

Aku tak tahu kenapa orang suka menjaga tepi kain orang lain. Sebab aku rasa, aku bukanlah jenis orang yang suka nak jaga tepi kain orang. Mind your own business. Takpelah. Sometimes, SHIT does happen.

Saya betul-betul marah!

Hello!

Happy Friday!
Macam takde orang baca je blog ni. So senang skit saya nak buat luahan perasaan.
Actually, saya ada tak berapa nak puas hati dengan certain things..
Apa yang buat saya sangat tak puas hati bila ex kepada boyfriend saya keep on messaging him
Tapi saya tau dia tak layan. The problem now bukan pasal kepercayaan atau tak.
Tapi pasal, ex dia dah pun berkahwin. Dan mempunyai status sebagai "isteri" kepada seseorang..


Please get a life. I don't even care if you're still single. It's a common thing la kan kacau ex lagi ke apa.
The problem is now, you're someone else wifey. Kalau tahu nak kacau, why don't you just marry him instead of your husband at a first place. Pity him as your husband. Seriously.

Yes, I'm mad. Ex saya pun ada kacau lagi but then, I guess it's a common thing because I'm still single. Cuma mungkin not available. Saya just kesiankan husband dia. Saya tau n kenal boyfriend saya. Hope that she'll realize someday. Cukup-cukup lah tu. Please get a real life. Please fikir perasaan husband anda dan saya sebagai someone to your ex now. Hmmm.. Peliks!