Ya Allah...

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُه,

I don't know where to start. It happened few days ago where we were being such a sweet and nice couple as seen by others. I had gone to Sabah for 2 weeks. We have a slight argument when I'm not around. But we manage to pull it out and be nice to each other, as what we've used to. Last Sunday on erien's wedding, our relationship became worst. I hope that erien doesnt read this. It sounds silly. Yes. The mistake is not to be revealed to others. But I think it's the end of everything.

We had a real bad argument. I can't share the whole story. Lets just some people know about it. Until one point, I decided to ask Allah, my only beloved. It's not easy for you to come up with a decision to do the Istikharah (some might have the same thought as me). You need enough courage, enough strength, enough preparation of everything.. I started with the doa, before we eventually bonded together. Allah has fulfilled the doa. But now, I guess, doa is not enough. I need to find my courage, to do Istikharah. Yes, maybe for some people, it's too late already. Not for me. I dont care what people might say. I'm just depending on Allah. Allah will give the best for me, not people around me. So why bother of other people's thought. Why I need to bother about what others might say.

I have been silent for several days.. Yes, to be honest, I'm sad. If you could read my mind, you'd be in tears. But I trust Him. Al Quran always been the best companion for me. I'm frequently read it those days, especially when his face popped up. We havent realize actually we have 'someone' that is always be by ourside kan? Yes, we always forget Him. to be honest, I'm one of those. Solat is not enough. You have to put your trust and have to try to be redha in whatever happens..

I have read an article about Istikharah and the faith means.. If you married with someone who is actually not the best to you, you'll be tested with lots of predicaments..but Allah ni maha penyayang, I bet you have heard about this so many times kan.. Allah will help those who always refer to Him. Trust the "qada and qadar". But if you do Istikharah, and choose the best Allah shows you, InsyaALLAH you will be happy hereafter. That's the power of Istikharah..

The calmness surronds me. Alhamdulillah. This morning, as I went to my car, I saw him outside the gate. He waited for me to send me to the office. His face is so dull. I guess he havent slept since last night. I'm respecting him, he went to my house just to send me to the office. As we reached, I asked him, "did you sleep last night".. and he answered me... "I can't sleep.. I'm afraid.. I will lose you.. "

I told him that I don't know what to do, the best decision I can make is by asking Allah.. because He knows what we dont know, He saw what our eyes cant see.. and I'd been in tears... inside..


I started to be closer to our Almighty..